Ode to an Upstairs Neighbor
To my disliked upstairs neighbor
(I’m sorry, but it’s true)
you’ve finally hit my limit:
I really hate living below you.
You wonder why, you ask me how?
I’ll tell you in a jiffy.
I think I’ll even make it rhyme –
now wouldn’t that be nifty?
You stomp around above me,
jump rope till the paintings fall,
your washer shakes my ceiling,
your leaking something stains my wall.
Your cowbell playing rankles
after the third week straight,
and your thwacking drums in Rockband
as well begin to grate.
You smoke outside my front door
and throw bread loaves in my tree,
talk too loudly on the telephone
and steal my hummers from me!
The overpopulated deer
eat corn they’re fed by you.
Do you hope for extra roadkill,
so you can help the vultures too?
And when your boyfriend dumps you,
I must stay up all night
to listen to you wail and cry
as you replay the fight.
(I also hear the screaming scraps
you get into on the stairs,
as well as those your guests have
after a lot too many beers.
At least the police finally came
after the last of them;
I’m glad they took your roommate
even if was at 3 am.)
And now this last, worst outrage
though once may have come to naught,
on top, has outdone all the rest –
you take my parking spot!
I realize I haven’t got
a house to call my own,
and with it wanted privileges –
my car’s night spot’s on loan –
but that’s my very limit!
The last that I’ll endure!
So with this poem, I hope I can
some stress relief procure.
Copyright puddle-wonderful life, 2012
(Hey, it worked for The Pioneer Woman!)
I wrote this in the late summer of last year, after many years of apartment dwelling and many frustrating and annoying experiences. Each of these things did actually happen to us – but this is a composite portrait, not a description of one single person. (Although some of our neighbors were responsible for more of the offenses than others….)
I am posting it here now:
1) hopefully to afford some amusement to anyone who stops by;
2) because today was a very full and busy day and I didn’t have time to compile a post about our Paris trip;
3) and mostly because for the last few months I have been very busy and stressed with a project (graduate school) that I am trying to finish, and I have at times wondered if we should have waited to buy a home instead of springing for it last fall, since I have not had time to keep it up or decorate it as we had hoped – in fact, we have not even unpacked past what we did the first week that we lived here. Our upstairs is full of boxes and we have no bedroom furniture, and it’s easy to think that we should have just continued at the apartment until I had time to deal with an actual house. But I am really extremely glad to be living where we are – we have space and a wonderfully large kitchen (from my perspective, at least) and a quiet neighborhood, and most importantly, quiet and respectful neighbors. It’s good to have a reminder from time to time what we’ve left behind – and to be grateful for the situation we’re in, even if the upstairs is a giant mess and the floors haven’t been swiffered in two months.